Who We Were, Who We Become- My High School Reunion

I must say that I do not spend my time thinking about high school experiences or my high school friends whom I no longer share a relationship with. My 10 year high school reunion is drawing near, this summer to be exact. Having been the Senior Class President in 2003 kinda pinned me into being on the reunion committee. Although there is of course choice in this I feel like a sense of responsibility mostly imbued by comments of my fellow classmates regarding this responsibility. I could have said no (and sometimes wish I had) but I made a commitment and plan to hold true to my word.

This reunion is bringing up all kinds unexpected feelings. Pretty much before now I had only thought about how I wanted to look great, thought about how my ‘life story’ (thus far) would stack up against some accomplished alums, and who would come. It was all very surface level, however since the beginning of this planning process (around January of this year) I have been consumed at times with different very deep and real feelings about who I was and who I am now. About persona, about who people think I was and who I really was and what matters to me now. And you might think – why does any of this matter? Who cares what anyone thinks? These aren’t even people present in your life. And I have mulled that over as well. I think it’s one of those things when you just want to proclaim- I am NOT the b*tch you thought I was!

I have had very random run ins with many different people from high school in the past couple years, from old friends whom I have lost touch with, to people I barely knew, to people I absolutely could not stand. And these run ins have run the gambit from friendly and nice to downright awkward. I am sure that this is what is in store for me at the reunion. I can’t help but be brought back to many moments, strong friendships that have since withered, embarrassing times that you wish would just be erased forever, moments of triumph, and sometimes heartbreak.

I have had many conversations with fellow alums as I try to drum up interest to participate in our reunion weekend and some of the more deep conversations have resulted in a common theme- I haven’t done anything [with my life], what am I going to talk about? Ultimately, feeling ‘less than’ others or our ideal lives that we projected in high school. I feel like the friends I had in high school hold themselves to a very high standard, we all ‘needed’ to have success stories, we felt that we had a ‘bigger purpose’ and would do ‘great’ things. Some people have accomplished those feats that the rest of us revel at, others however don’t feel that their story is worthy of praise or interesting enough to talk about. I think it’s all a journey. Obviously I like to hear about people who are on productive and healthy paths rather than the opposite. What did I think I would be when I grew up? When I was in high school, I wanted to be a journalist and later a Senator. (LOL) While I don’t think I am on a path that will lead to either, I have found things in my life that I think help the greater community, are positive and suit the lifestyle I prefer and I am at peace with that.

Although I have not found a resolution for my feelings regarding my misrepresentation by others, there is only one thing I can do and that is to be who I am (whether or not people see it, or like it) and be true to my values. And it’s ok that I haven’t complete an amazing feat that saves the world or has made me famous, my story doesn’t end with today, it goes on and I believe will keep getting better.